


you (again) for one million lifetimes.

by je000nghan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Mentioned Boo Seungkwan, Mentioned Xu Ming Hao | The8, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-07-13 22:32:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16027319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/je000nghan/pseuds/je000nghan
Summary: jeonghan and joshua, in love: how they came to be, and how they plan to carry on, and on. and on....or maybe it’s just because they liked to sleep in each other’s warmth and witness each other’s new mornings. but for whatever it was and for what it’s worth, jeonghan wouldn’t have it any other way. (if jeonghan would live a million more days for a million more lives, he would like to remain right where he is today, right beside joshua; joshua in his arms.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is inspired by my friend, [dulcetshua’s](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dulcetshua/pseuds/dulcetshua) [curiouscat Q&A!](https://twitter.com/jokeshuas/status/1040166880726708224?s=21)
> 
>  **Q: do you think jeonghan and joshua sleepover in each other’s bedrooms?**  
>  A: yes, but mostly because joshua’s room is clean, jeonghan likes that. and jeonghan’s room has jeonghan, joshua likes that.

when it’s 2:00 in the afternoon and jeonghan’s feet lead him to an odd store in the corner of a street he swears he has seen multiple times before (but never got to actually walk on), the 3000 won ear wax curette laying atop wooden trinkets reminds him of joshua because he knows of the latter’s unspoken obsession of cleaning his ears.

when jeonghan moves to another display, this time of over-priced socks, he picks the pair embroidered with a bunny and another with a spaceship/rocketship/u.f.o. design. he giggles to himself and thinks _Shua_ before dropping the socks in a tiny basket. then he’d happily stand before the cashier, thinking: _a little bit of unnecessary spending won’t hurt if it’s for the one you love, your happiness, your investment_ — even if it means coming home to a crossed-arm joshua reprimanding him for taking his finances lightly (and who, thankfully, doesn’t take a while to catch on the point).

 

 

“but everything reminded me of you, shua,” jeonghan would frown, holding up the tiny paper bag in one hand. “even _this_ reminds me of you.”

joshua would lose his sting, but he’d try his best not to smile. “how am i a plain brown paper bag, jeonghan?”

“it’s smooth and it’s cute.”

“what did you get for yourself?”

nothing.

“baby, i love you and i appreciate your gifts. but it would cost less for you to just take a pic and tell me about it. these things are the price of two good meals.”

(at times like this, jeonghan would nod and agree, but not after commenting _‘ **we’re** two good meals’_ and joshua smacking his head thereafter.)

 

 

 

 

 

sometimes, it’s 2:00 in the morning where joshua had planned to succumb into the deep pleasures of watching anime until his eyes gave out, but instead, he would be turning off the Aircon and arranging the pillows for two heads because jeonghan had knocked on his door to stay for the night, and joshua knew jeonghan didn’t like air-conditioning.

“i got bored in my room,” jeonghan would declare, squirming about on the hotel-clean sheets of joshua’s bed. he’d present his arm open, patiently awaiting joshua to tuck himself in in his tepid limb.

“i was going to watch until the morning,” joshua would complain, but nevertheless scoot under the same sheet that covered most of jeonghan’s body. “i guess i’ll have an early night.”

jeonghan would smile like a champion, winning his boyfriend’s attention yet again. “bore me in this room instead.”

and joshua would comply: from a fussy-toned introduction of where he got the projector that displayed stars on his ceiling, to an enthusiastic fact-fest of names of constellations — if it means to have jeonghan as his pillow and a happy sleeping pillow at that, joshua would happily comply.

 

 

 

 

 

(and if asked, jeonghan wouldn’t regret buying the curette and the two pairs of socks; and joshua wouldn’t regret doing away with his marathon.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_but,_ **

 

there were also days where blood boils from the pits of their stomachs and their faces were dark shades of red.

“jeonghan, the dishes,” joshua would remind his boyfriend. he had reminded him about it just yesterday; he had reminded him about it many times before.

jeonghan, who had just awaken from a good nap, would retreat from giving joshua a peck and walk straight to the couch after coming out of his bedroom. “seungkwan and i washed this morning.”

joshua would watch him ignore the cup he had held to the level of his face — jeonghan’s used cup; the cup that belonged to jeonghan, the cup that jeonghan had used. “what did you wash? everything but this?”

“just leave it, shua. i’ll wash it when i’m done using it.”

“until when are you planning to use it?”

“until i’m done being human so i don’t have to get thirsty.”

“jeonghan.”

clearly, both of them had reached an argument.

“if it’s not yours, don’t mind it,” jeonghan rebutts. there’s a tiny regret on the back of his mind, but damn it, joshua was being so annoying.

“just say you’re lazy and go.”

joshua was so fucking annoying. this wasn’t even his dorm. jeonghan could almost hate him, but not as much as how he hates the sound of the water splashing against the sink and the tiny sound of porcelain when they’re being squeaky clean. 

he also hates the way joshua’s shadow trailed at the corner of his eyes, moving from the kitchen down to the door that led his boyfriend out, leaving without a word of ‘goodbye’.

 

 

 

 

 

(other times, the fights were deeper; more personal; and their visions, too, turn red.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_so,_ **

 

it’s safe to say that jeonghan, in the many years he has been alive, has heard of the world and its tell-tale of failed romances on one side, and its fairytale of lasting romance on the other. jeonghan had experienced the sweet melodies of love and war where they were perfectly fair, and the bitter conflictions on the days where they were not — and for him, the story begins on the very day he met joshua.

 

 

 

 _“you fell in love with me then?”_ he remembers joshua asking him on one of the many times they revisited the way they were from some years back — a summer night, he recalls vividly; one of jeonghan’s favorite memories of joshua pulling him out of the studio for a congratulatory trip (this time, for writing good lyrics) to the convenience store. _“like a love at first sight?”_

 _“no”_ was his confident answer, making joshua choke on his ice cream a little, prompting him a quick justification: _“but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s where we began. you coming up to me on my first day. i’m grateful for that, i tell you this all the time.”_

he remembers joshua pausing a little, a wary look on his face. _“what if i hadn’t?”_

_“what do you mean?”_

_“what if i got too shy and didn’t drag you along with me. would we be who we are ri—”_

_“—yes,”_ he cut him. _“i’d come to you, joshuji. my place is by your side.”_

 

 

 

 

 

(jeonghan had kept his word at heart; he keeps it even today and will keep it until his last tomorrow.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_today,_ **

 

jeonghan had awaken earlier than joshua, an arm slumped lightly atop the latter’s hip and his other arm underneath their shared pillow, almost deprived of circulation. he’d pull it away if joshua wasn’t so pretty sleeping on top of it; joshua was so, so pretty; joshua was the prettiest sight undone. and jeonghan wants to embrace him tighter, hold him in his claim, live deeper in the reality that he was his and he gets to call him _mine._

so he does as he’d like, adding a tiny kiss on the back of the other’s head. he smiles at the familiar scent, it suits him — joshua had used his shampoo last night because for some reason, joshua liked the bathroom in their dorm better than the one in theirs just a floor below; and for another reason, joshua liked jeonghan’s bed more than his very own.

maybe it’s because they liked visiting minghao’s room, called _the 8bar_ , that joshua would always end up sleeping over jeonghan’s room almost every night. or maybe it’s just because they liked to sleep in each other’s warmth and witness each other’s new mornings. but for whatever it was and for what it’s worth, jeonghan wouldn’t have it any other way. (if jeonghan would live a million more days for a million more lives, he would like to remain right where he is today, right beside joshua; joshua in his arms.)

“you’re awake,” joshua mumbles in a groggy kind of whisper, turning around to face jeonghan, his eyes still closed. he’s met by a kiss on his forehead, the second treat he’s had today, and he can’t help but smile a little. he nuzzles down closer, breathing in the powdery scent of jeonghan’s skin and feeling the soft cotton that made up the latter’s t-shirt. to him, jeonghan was the softest pillow.

“sleep,” jeonghan encourages, adjusting his moribund arm into a more comfortable hold, hands meeting on joshua’s back. they were so close, he’s afraid his heart would drum against his boyfriend’s cheek.

when asked for the time, he tells him it was Seven. he frowns when joshua tells him he’s almost fully awake. but joshua doesn’t move from his position, a compromise that’s just as good as a longer rest. jeonghan just wanted all the world’s comfort and favor upon his boyfriend, even if it means marks on his arms with pins and needles under his skin.

joshua had treated him nothing less of a perfect lover, it was the least he could do to give back the love he overwhelmingly receives each day — the love he had first received when they were a little less than the adults they were today...

 

 

 

...when teenage boy, yoon jeonghan, has had another breakdown.

“ah, it’s not going well for me,” he tells joshua, the saddest lump forming on his throat. they have just finished practicing for a scheduled performance on some local theatre only big enough for three-hundred people. back then, it was a really huge deal for Seventeen, but jeonghan wasn’t having it. his dances had turned meaningless, he sang only below his own satisfaction. “i really don’t have the strength for this.”

joshua had found him on the rooftop. he had figured, while everyone was preparing to come back to the dorms, jeonghan was nowhere in sight. he sits beside his best friend, holding him close in one arm. “this sounds familiar though?” he carefully jokes, giving jeonghan’s shoulder comforting pats.“‘you quit, i quit’ day, remember?”

he’s answered with a smile and a nod that says _yeah, i’ll get better_ , and they sit silently for minutes they have opted not to count. they’d throw in some bickerings playful nudges here and there, until jeonghan pushes the tissues that joshua had brought for him, refusing to believe at how his best friend still managed to tease him at a sad time. “i’m not crying, you idiot,” he laughs as joshua coos. “but thanks for coming after me,” he smiles, adjusting the (rather long) hairs that had strayed away from under his cap. “you’re too obvious with your crush on me, you know?”

(joshua knows.)

when joshua doesn’t answer, jeonghan tells him he was kidding and offers them to head home. but no, joshua wanted to stay under the fresh air a little longer; his mind had began stirring chaotic thoughts of _you’re right, it’s a crush_ and _if i tell, would you accept it?_ damn it, he hadn’t intended for this to happen tonight.

“come on,” jeonghan tugs on his hand, attempting to pull him off the seat. “let’s sleep.”

joshua wanted to tell him. _i should,_ he thinks. _but why?_

“joshuji, let’s go home.”

and so, joshua resorts to blaming it on the way jeonghan calls him by an endearment; and on the way the moonlight shines atop the perfect spots on jeonghan’s face, contouring his features deeper; and on the way the night was so silent, the atmosphere seemed so serene. but when jeonghan asks him _are you alright?_ , joshua gives in to blaming his own damn self —

— and the way his heartbeat speeds at every time jeonghan shows him concern; or the way his heart drops at every time jeonghan seemed unhappy. he blames it on the way he had developed a fond feeling toward the sound of jeonghan’s laugh and how he always seemed to hear it because of him, or so he thinks (if joshua had asked, jeonghan might have affirmed). and when jeonghan grabs his hand tighter, joshua remembers to blame it on the way his body heats at any physical contact he makes with jeonghan, and how he always wanted to hold him back, hold him first, hold him for a little longer.

“just a while,” joshua tells him. “o-or you can go, i’ll just—”

“is something wrong?”

damn it. he hopes it wasn’t wrong, this tiny (huge) crush.

so his response was a hold on jeonghan’s hand. but no, he wasn’t letting jeonghan tug him up, instead, he had pulled the other down… close. so close, their lips had touched in a quick, swift move. joshua lets it linger, he had no rationale whatsoever, but it’s okay, it was fine, because jeonghan hadn’t pulled back.

surprised at his own action, joshua pulls away — but only for a short escape, as jeonghan had pushed himself back again, pressing another kiss on joshua’s mouth.

joshua allows his eyes to close, a shy hand coming up to hold on jeonghan’s arm simultaneously as jeonghan holds him by the back of his neck. he doesn’t know who does it first (jeonghan did), but their kiss had turned deeper: open-mouthed, but innocent as is.

the wet sounds of their mouths had taken over the rooftop’s silence, but not as loud as the thumping beats in their respective chests. joshua doesn’t know this, but jeonghan’s heart has been wanting to escape through his sweater just as much as joshua’s own does.

and then they reduce to light pecks, both mouths smiling. and joshua’s sudden worries have worn away.

“jeonghan,” he speaks in between kisses. he realizes both of his arms had wrapped around the other’s shoulders, which only makes him even happier.

“i know,” jeonghan answers, his eyes smiling a bit too bright. “me too.”

 

 

 

 

 

“what do you want to do today?” joshua asks him, his voice muffling against his boyfriend’s t-shirt. he sneaks in a tiny kiss and giggles as he says _‘hehe, baby. i pecked your pecks.’_

jeonghan, who had been tracing incoherent shapes on the other’s back, tells him he had no plans and that maybe they can just sleep all day.

“let’s do that,” joshua playfully pulls jeonghan closer with a leg wrapped over the latter’s thigh. “i’ll stay like this until later,” he jokes, causing them a soft fit of laughter.

but jeonghan’s stomach makes itself known a minute later and both of them knew it was time to get up.

 

 

 

when joshua and jeonghan share their meals, jeonghan’s heart flutters at the thoughtful act of joshua giving him the last piece of mandu and joshua melts at the sight of jeonghan presenting to wash All of his (their) dishes.

the other members who’d pass by still don’t get just what it was that was so funny when jeonghan and joshua play rock-paper-scissors to hit each other with tea bags, and how ridiculously painful it was to laugh so much at how jeonghan had to wave goodbye to his green tea that flew across the table. 

and when joshua shares his cup with him, jeonghan couldn’t help but think that these little moments are those that tell him that lately, sweet had won over bitter; and love had taken its toll on war.

 

 

they go back to the bedroom to carry on their blissful plan of cuddles and healthy snores all day.

 

 

 

“marry me.”

now, it would be an understatement to say that joshua’s heart had stopped. no, it wasn’t that shallow. he could be dead for all he knows, but death was also shallow. instead, joshua thinks his heart was the moon on the year 1969 and Neil Armstrong had just come to visit, digging in the american flag with a curse under his breath: _you bitches better believe me when i say i fucking made it_.

“marry me, shua.”

and joshua had forgotten how to breathe, Hong System Malfunction.

“it’s kind of sudden, isn’t it? i promise to propose to you better soon, with a ring and all. but will you, joshuji?”

finally, he remembers the use of his tongue. “jeonghan, if this is a prank, i swear i—”

_“marry me, joshua.”_

joshua turns his head to jeonghan’s direction, surprised—no, _relieved_ to see that jeonghan’s eyes had been locked on him all along. he had pictured jeonghan mumbling with his eyes closed, sleep talking. a disappointing thought, but in his mind nonetheless (not that he doubts his boyfriend, but he just wanted to make sure) and thank God jeonghan wasn’t. “what’s making you say all this?”

and then jeonghan turns joshua’s entire body so they’re face-to-face and joshua was little spoon no more. “it’s not sudden,” he brushes the loose strands on joshua’s bangs as he speaks. “i think about it all the time, just so you know. i think about it when i think of us, and i just know that i can never not have you. like, being with you every day will always be one step behind of having you forever.”

“jeonghan—”

“like everything around me reminds me of you and i’ve invested so much of my life on you and you never had to ask me to do any of that. and i want to cuddle like this every day, and i was hoping soon under our own roof since you’ll buy me a house in the future. but if you tell me right now that you won’t, then i’ll try my best not to love you too much. or love you from afar. or love—”

“don’t do that.”

“then, will you marry me?”

joshua, at this point, had abandoned the heart that was once a moon. this time, his heart was a freaking cannon and today was a day in the Civil War. his heart was a 20-pounder Parrott rifle shooting every bit of love that he has in his body, directed with 100% accuracy at the man that had just proposed before him, on this bed, on a warm Tuesday morning. and it’s no fucking joke when you’re too happy that you feel like crying, maybe actually crying. like, joshua had actually started to cry and jeonghan had to wipe his tears for him.

and his thoughts were still chaotic, had been since their day one. but his heart never changed since how it was on that rooftop, when he claimed jeonghan was in it all along; and he had unconsciously sworn that it will never change from that day onwards, and will never let it change any day soon.

so he nods. his worldless way to say _i will_ and his happiest way to say _thank you._

and jeonghan, in the calmest ways he can muster, pulls his boyf— _fiance_ in another embrace, whispers the softest _thank you_ as he thinks to himself that _joshua, you are mine. my joshuji. my life._ hoping to let joshua know that he, himself, was joshua’s too, forever at current and again in all lifetimes.


	2. references

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as the fic is canon-compliant, i shall lay down my references

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might add the links for every reference soon!

  1. ear wax curette — joshua bought one during their hot springs trip day, svt club ep. 1 (extended clip)
  2. jeonghan buying socks — idol diaries, jeonghan bought socks for the members; design ref: Rocket
  3. joshua being thrift — svt club episode where he was the least to spend on things & “reprimanded” dokyeom for spending too much
  4. joshua & his love for anime
  5. aircon — warm cup of milk, jeonghan mentioned he didn’t like turning on the aircon to avoid getting colds
  6. joshua’s star projector — svt club episode
  7. joshua & jeonghan live in separate dorms & their have their own/solo rooms
  8. joshua was the first person to approach jeonghan on his first day in pledis and that’s how they became best friends
  9. minghao said jeonghan & joshua often came to visit his room (8bar) for wine nights
  10. in an interview, minghao said vocal team are super close, jeonghan & joshua are almost like flirting; seungcheol said the vocal team are almost like pairs of lovers
  11. “you quit, i quit” day — their personal favorite memory of each other when they really planned on giving up when they were trainees but they managed to push through and debut
  12. scheduled perfomance — they had small performances even before debuting
  13. hitting each other w/ tea bags — they hit each other w tea bags & chicken legs & dumplings & water bottles & eggs, etc. because they’re weird like that
  14. last part — when jeonghan wrote joshua’s profile, he said that joshua promised to buy him a house in the future



**Author's Note:**

> long live the husbands-to-be!
> 
> if you liked that, let me know? kudos & comments help writers keep going ♡ thank you for reading!!!
> 
> go check out dulcetshua (link at the beginning note), she writes the softest domestic jihan works! amazing ever  
>    
> also, the stressed student that i am would gratefully take a cup of coffee as a form of support: [here!](https://ko-fi.com/F1F7OQ52) you know, if you ever liked my work that much. i’ll drink it well, i promise. thank you ♡
> 
> [i’m @je000nghan on twitter!](https://twitter.com/je000nghan)  
> [on curiouscat, too!](https://curiouscat.me/je000nghan)


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